this is what I do

1.42am

"I can't sleep."

weary bones grind and move

next to you I lay

until sleep takes you home

2.34am

"I'm thirsty."

in darkness I fetch a glass of water

in a coma I return to serve

"thanks dad."

a kiss goodnight

I stroke your hair

you are gone

4.48am

"I'm cold."

I pull the duvet across your shoulders

and watch you snuggle down

I am cold too

tired

but always content

I hear your whisper

"I love you dad."

and smile

I know this my son

no payment needed

as no debt is incurred

for this is what I do

sometimes

sometimes when

I look at people

I can hear them within

it is like hearing

an argument through a wall

muffled

tight

dull

occasionally a word

will escape

to be captured

heard and held

I know you now

I understand your pain

strange though

to listen

to voices

in people that

do not talk

24th September 2010

ego meets meat

the sweating ego
tested and tested
in mirrors that would flatter pencils
reveals the character
of these impressionless minds
that grapple with iron
to assume the shape
of magazine hunks
who have ladies pawing
at their well shaped heels
and the roar of adoring
fans in their muscled ears

just hiding in a heart

I forget
I remember
the one I buried
the one I do not mourn
the one who nearly buried me
the one who lived behind these eyes
the one who used these hands
the one who crushed her love within my heart
he waits for her still
to return

then he forgets
then he remembers

even ghosts have shadows

when you loosen the only words
that mattered to your heart
you evolve into loneliness
the heart fails
the flesh falls away
and the bones become dust
until you become a ghost
a ghost with a shadow

the trajectory of a kiss

I tricked a girl with a kiss

a silly childish kiss

launched like a rocket

it flew
within a dying arc

until it hit

her surprised red lips

the ex-wife

he wants me back
he's angry that I left him

he left me actually

he lies

he hurt me

he hurt the children

he was cruel to me

he was cruel to the children

he threatened to kill me

he held a knife to my throat

I sigh

I shrug

every excuse but the truth

but I know who I was then

as I know who I am now

just a faithful husband

and a loyal man

an old friend

love isn’t an exact science
an equation extrapolated
and proved
it is the coat we borrow
when we are cold
or the hand pulling us back
from the edge
it is the kiss
we do not expect
but at the moment
we need it the most
it does not own you
nor does it allow itself to be owned
you can call all your angels
and pray to all your gods
but love listens only to the lonely
and the lost
and it always arrives like an old friend
who we thought after so many years

had forgotten us

28^th February 2009

12 days to go

she can’t sleep
tiny footsteps race across the floorboards
the bedroom door opens cautiously
and a tiny figure climbs into bed
her little head rests on my pillow
“I can't sleep, Daddy."
“I know."
I kiss her forehead
and carry her back to her room
I promise to stay
I promise to wait until she falls alseep
it takes the promise of Christmas
and a string of gold coaches
racing colours around her room
to finally close her sleepy eyes
it takes only the thought of Christmas
to open them



11.30pm 12th December 2003
(My daughter, Madison, who just couldn't sleep)

makes sense to me

the first words you ever typed

Jioiiooiohihihc
m x’v
pi[oipjiiipjipoj[pohjlklkkjokokvfk4o6u 3kjjhm
mkl;ilioh
vbj/sasdf
zg;.l;.fd
0b
vzvmagb
c
madis\o n agk,o5ryk,0-‘
but dad helped
5+
yu;lsszi’/

all makes perfect sense to me.

17^th June 2002 (my daughter and a keyboard)