alea iacta est

I walked the cold days
I walked the warm
but from the moment they put that label
on my ankle
and until the day they fix that label
to my toe
I will not mourn my dying light
for these lavender dreams
will make me fall
soundly
deeply
but upon the bottom
I will arise within the sun's promise
and as its shadow chases my life
I will keep carving out this dream
that wraps itself within my heart
and even in the loneliest of my smiles
I will keep the warmth
for those that suffer more
"alea iacta est" the defeatists say
but no mould cast me
I have no nature
or course to steer
and now as I hurtle towards my end
I know with utmost certainty
I was born without fear

fuck it

a man who falls easily
this is not me
a man who laments love
this is not me
a man who hangs his head
this is not me
a man who has something to prove
this is definitely not me
a man who just smiles, shrugs and says "fuck it"
now that's me

breaking apart

everything I have done
everything I have seen
and now know to be true
is sometimes too much
for my heart to contain
so I search for someone
to be honest with
to share what I feel
and what I have learnt
to finally unload this weight
and find once again
the courage to live
in a world that does not care

the wrong one

there is no soul
just a mind inhabited by fractured thoughts
replaying days
replaying words
until longing meets madness
but age tempers wisdom
until finally in the dark
pressed against a pillow
we admit to ourselves
without reservation
that there is no truth but this
light will fold into our eyes
and our desire will whisper defeat
then in the hands of time
her face will dry and crumble beneath my feet
like autumn leaves

it is the simple things

a hair tie wrapped around my chopsticks.
her knees tucked to her chest,
as Thanos clicked his fingers.
she is my haven
and she doesn't know it.

as I will never tell her.

for it is always the simple things.

paris

yellowed street light
falls across the Seine
a stranger says good evening
but I am alone in this late hour
this city is never still
this city is never silent
but she holds me
and she writes upon my heart
she knows that sleep eludes me
so she rocks me gently in her arms
my hotel
my room
my life
are gone
and as dawn falls upon me
I vanish within the light
that washes the night from the streets

the atlantic

I can hear you
and I can feel the weight
in your waves
this life is a darkness
that I yearn to leave
I could step into you
I could leave this land
and never look back
I could fall into your depths
and let this life float away
but not on this tide
nor the next

one day we will meet

one day I will leave this shore

one day

just not today

retired

I miss being a dad
I miss the loaded nappies
the first words
the first steps
the endless hugs wrapped in love
the colds and teething
the first day at school
the nights when they need you
and the moments when they pretend they don't
I miss the crayons and the "my dad" pictures
I miss the soldiers and the dolls
I miss the xmas eves
and the ransacked easter eggs
I miss it all
I want it back

I miss being a dad

old books

new pages turn
old wisdom is lost
under the weight
the pictures
the emails
the texts
the voices
the memories
bleed out
pressed together
compressed
and archived
to be lost
under the dust
of a simple love
where the characters never part
and the story never ends

marie

she will read this one day

because she will want to know

what it is that I remember about her

was it the excellent white wine

or the halls of art?
was it the stolen kiss

beneath Nelson's gaze?
or was it the missed train
and the five hour wait for the next?
was it her warmth in the bed
or the bad tequila?
was it the candlelit meals
or her inability to win at pool?

all of the above Marie

all of the above

and more