the perfect gin

somewhere over Germany

an easy smile with a gentle voice

asks "would you like a drink sir?"

I suddenly realise the benefits of middle age

and greying hair

a little respect at last

albeit compulsory

"I would" I reply

but I leave her waiting for my choice

"a gin and tonic please, heavy on gin and light on tonic."

she serves it within a fragile plastic cup

which she rocks with ice

then within my pressurised world

within my little life

that hurtles towards Berlin

my perfect gin

lubricates a weary mind

and makes a hard landing

very smooth indeed

an empty hand

he held my hand

as a child

he gave me gentle hugs

and gentler smiles

he listened

to my first words

and in my youth
he gave me his wisdom

to use

to discard

to mock
he cared for me in ways
I never understood

until parenthood was mine

but as an adult
I ignored the greying hair
and his fragile ways

for to me he was immortal
a man who would never leave

and then one morning

I looked upon a giant
whittled down to a fragile man
asleep
never to awake again

and in that moment of loss
I felt the fullness of his heart
and the emptiness in my hand

(For my Dad)

light bulb fruit

walking between tools and nails
that I didn't need

I turn a corner

and fall into a corridor of blinding light

hundreds of lights
burning fiercely

in the middle was a woman

reaching up

reaching up

reaching high

reaching into the light

picking bright light bulb fruit

so bright

so unbelievably bright
so painfully bright

she turned
she looked at me

with eyes filled with mercury
and a pure white smile

my buddhist buddy

I met
a buddhist teacher
he was old and grey
but his wisdom
was fresh and minty
he spoke of fearlessness
and compassion
I listened for a while
but there was no truth
in his words for me
so as the others chanted
I turned to the sky
and as the afternoon
drifted into the night
I found myself
beneath a bowl of stars
and a single shinning truth
the days are often warm
and the nights are often cold
we are born
we eventually die
but inbetween
there's fun to be had

just say goodbye

just say goodbye
and move on
turn the page
close the book
burn it
or add it to the others
we never read
just say goodbye
and let everything go
watch it fall
or don't
it doesn't matter
because the wrong things
aren't meant to last
hold the bitter
I'll take the sweet
forget everything
I will not respond
I will not engage
I will not write a solitary word
for I can feel goodbye
in your words
and this silence
move on
keep walking
and put distance and time
between us

a question asked

I defend myself with words
punctuated with borrowed wisdom
from minds with original thoughts
my beliefs are composed
of actions and inactions
but enlightenment eludes me
I fumble and claw at ideologies
that have wrestled kings to their graves
who am I to fight this noble battle?
I care not for odds
or for the soldiers who fight beside me
I care not for honour
or the greater good
for I know I stand alone
an outsider
who was born to not belong
so ask your questions
decipher my answers
then unravel my life
but I can not be known
for the key to my mystery
is missing
and locked within
my sardonic smile

tabula rasa

I yearn for the ignorance of my youth
for there is too much weight in my thoughts
my soul has absorbed the suffering
of a thousand lies
and my eyes have seen more
than my heart can hold
where has my naivety gone?
where is the easy trust
and the blind obedience to the state?
now I lay beneath the sword
living in the moments and echoes
and savouring the sunrise
then smiling as I hear the thread break

the soul

a soul is silent

it is the flesh that is loud

a soul is bright

it is the world that is dark

what lies ahead

if I could map my heart
I would navigate around the pain
that you have yet to give me
I would plot a course between your first smile
and your final goodbye
I would raise sail and blind my eyes
from the man who replaces me
and I would steer towards
the darkest storm
and the sharpest rocks
oblivious
of what awaits

in dublin

if I had not returned
not remembered a promise
not walked back
not turned right

not turned left

if I waited one moment less
or one moment more

I would not have seen

your smile
I would have not heard
your voice
I would not have learnt
your name

and my life would have been
colder for it