a father's advice

don't read the books
I read
and don't carry my values
as a blueprint for your own
times change
and maybe I wasn't right

don't wait for a god
to speak through you
you have a voice of your own

love is a word with
a hundred meanings
learn them all

as for money and wealth
always remember that
I loved buying for others
more than I did myself

death is inevitable
but know that I will go before you
and that if it is possible
I will wait for you

and finally always remember this
a simple truth that took me years to understand
we are worthless
if we are of no value to others



(As a parent I spend a great deal of time musing over my children's futures. But there comes a point when your advice just becomes your own template. They have to see their future through their own eyes or what is the point of being alive?)

broken

conversation surrounds me
like a moat
isolating me further
from the living world
but their words
are incomplete threads
jumbled and meaningless
when set against my thoughts

the heaviness in my heart
empties my eyes into space
I have been here before
I vowed never to return
but here I am again
alone
cold
lost
and broken

the loneliness of a heart

strong coffee poured
over sharp words
still find their mark
and the sadness pools
in forgotten smiles

the light that shone
on dreams of days
yet to be
goes out
denying tears
denying love
accepting what was always
meant to be

and within the loneliness of a heart
a man breaks beneath
the weight of a fate
and the gravity of a crime
that was always his

the empty glass

the wine glass

spills

fills
and empties

our music
our memories and plans

pulls me inwards

I know you are gone
I know death is final

but my love
in this dark night
with my eyes closed

and a heart filled with hope

I still feel the need to reach out
for your hand

and our unfinished love

(I fell in love with a woman who fought and lost a fight. It was a lifetime ago.)

unhappily single

here I stand
between the memory of your vow
and the taste of your lips
here I sit
watching my shadow fade
and the dark days fall
here I kneel
in torn letters
polarising your past with my present
and here I crawl
broken boned
within the burden of blackened love

why we walk away

she was beautiful
smart
young
she made you smile
and you had forgotten how

she filled the cracks in your life
with laughter
and music
and you could have loved her

but your bruised heart
could not hold on
could not grip
the weight within her love

I will not yield

drown my words
bend your knife
between my ribs
and twist it slowly
bring me down
let me crash
let me burn
beat me to my knees
snap every bone
remove my clothes
and leave me naked and cold
take all my possessions
and drag me to your version of hell
de-construct my faith
and leave me godless
turn all that I love against me
and empty my heart
but enemy of mine
take heed
look at what is left
and know that it is stronger
and more frightening
than all your hatred for me
for I will never yield
and when you walk away
don't look back
for that is when I rise

a storm in my life

I lived in a single season

where my skies were clear

and where a gentle breeze

kept my eyes closed

and my mind numb

I did not see her grey clouds

or feel her chilled wind

only when the first drops of rain

touched my face

did I awake
within the comfort of her storm

the day I died

I am dead

I died a long while ago

interned deep within the earth

whereupon an empty sermon was spilt

and a few kind words thrown down

like handfuls of soil upon my coffin lid

now they let this dead man rest

and speak only of him in whispers

dead

forgotten

decaying in pieces

no rose

no tears shed

just fragments

of half-remembered dreams

mark the place where he lays

the dark secret

the black sheep

the unforgiven

the man who could have been much more

the walls remain

the walls remain

they always have done

it is though I never left

higher than I recall

but you can't see them

only I know they are there

I move closer

they move further away

elusive

suffocating

endless

and within