just Michael

one day
all this
even this
will end
naked in the sun
free of connection
I will stand
alone
but with peace

the other lives
will drift away
until my horizon
is cleared of reflections
and then echoes
of empty thoughts
will crumble between
memories and dreams
they will dissipate
in this new silence
they will free me
until
I will be

just Michael

still trying to understand

I don't drink to forget because the true value of a life is found in the pain that delivers change. I don't waste tears for yesterday because tomorrow I may find her. Some love a lifetime and spend every waking moment in the arms of the one they adore. That has not been my story but it does not make my life worthless. I held a love once that burnt hotter than the hell; that awaits me. It holds me still. It anchors me in a time when life was simpler and when my heart was flesh. As I fade its lustre and innocence gives me ballast and that memory will deliver me to the edge of my grave with a smile. 

We are a brief inconsequential moment in a billion years of darkness and fire. We are the children of exploding stars and the result of odds that even the most reckless gambler wouldn't play. But we must never disconnect our hearts from that first kiss.

For this is love.

hearts and munitions

she had no heart
so I gave her mine
but donating an organ
whilst in love
is like holding onto a live grenade

after you've thrown

the pin
 

in matters of the heart

where does love live?
does it live alone?
silently

contentedly

assured of its value
in some dusty corner

of our hearts
what does love fear?

truth?

rejection?

why does it leave us?

when we need it the most?

we dream of it

we hope for it

we pray for it

but in my truth

within my story

we have always lived apart

and in matters of the heart

I remain poor

fading fast

my time was yesterday
yours is today and tomorrow
I belong with the graveside mourners
you belong with the dreamers and shakers
I am no longer my father's hope
or my mother's fear
for I am parentless
the last of my line
a man seeking an honourable end
but what I give to you
what I press willingly into you hands
are the remaining embers of my life
and the last ounce of my love

still sorry

sometimes I don't think
sometimes I don't see
sometimes I punch through hearts
only to remember
that some souls are paper thin
and that words
my sharp words
can cause tears
and pile upon those delicate shoulders
an unbearable weight
sometimes I don't think
sometimes I don't see
is it any wonder that it is only regret
that embraces me?

an interesting question

 How do immortals measure time?

.. by the tombstones of mortals loved.

(this was a question I once saw on Twitter.... I mulled over my reply for days)

pieces of a life

my life
the two piece puzzle
which doesn't want to dovetail
or conform to my will

it just rattles in a box
with an image on its lid
which doesn't match
the two shapes within

but everyday I try
to make the angles and curves join
to complete a symmetry
which isn't supposed to make sense

mirrors of you

there is a weight to time
which accumulates with the years
and as it does
it scratches memories of you
into every mirror in this house
you are in my reflection
ghostlike
but cruelly real to me

ageless and stained with a contrition
that like a scar in my slowing heart
refuses to be healed

there are days I wish I was blind
but more when I willingly surround myself
with unbearable pain
to relive that one solitary point in time

such is love
such is life
such is this man

echo

I look at you
and I hear an echo
of something once wanted
it pulls me back to
a younger heart
and a smile
that once was mine