these rooms

I have spent
will spend
days here
retracing her footsteps
placing her smiles
in every reflection
and her laughter
in the cold empty corners
of these rooms
I will imagine
her beside me as I sleep
whispering in my ear
waking my heart
warming the coldness
that now haunts these dreams

I have spent
will spend
hours here
waiting for keys
to turn
and for ghosts
to leave

I have spent
will spend
all my life
waiting

waiting

waiting

still got a pulse

there is a bump in my heart

and words trickle up my throat

the demons still dance

but their music is unrecognisable

there is a smooth moment

in these rough days

and in between the light and dark

there is a gentle twilight

and as the air fills my lungs

I smile

as I know

I have still got a pulse

within an apple

what is possible

he asked me
puzzled by the question
I deliberated on life itself
and the myriad of opportunities
that fall from our grasp
or remain just beyond our reach
fate
luck
karma
chance
so do I inspire him with lies
do I paint a land filled with hope
and will my words find a mark
or will lies sour blacker days
can anyone achieve more
can everyone succeed
he wants an answer to a question
that has limited man’s happiness since eden

a paradise on earth built by a god
who put our unhappiness in an apple
yet here rests his answer
it is not the look of the apple
the weight
the colour
the taste
but the seeds within the core
there is more and more life within
for nature begets life
from a seed a sapling
from a sapling a tree
from a tree an orchard
for even if life itself is contained
bricked
bolted
set in cement
or chained
it cannot retain a life

what’s possible
is a question that is easily answered
when we simply plant what is within

18th October 2010

this late call

she is there

he knows this

he holds the phone

as if it was her hand
against his face

she tells him her fears
he pictures her grave
she tells him her dreams
he knows now
that they have no future
without each other
so he finally confesses his love

and listens to her tears of silence

trapping himself

within the abyss

between two halves of a heart

and as he listens to her talk of love

he finally learns how to say goodbye

the wave

a wave was just about
to crash upon the rocks
when suddenly it changed its mind
"sod this." it thought
but before it could change direction
something pushed it from behind

the last season

a part of me was

extinguished in that dawn

I looked at you

knowing that I loved you

knowing that I had to let go

you were awake

yet your eyes were closed

leaving the warmth of your body
I looked across a wasteland

broken by a single tree

bare of colour

skeletal and fragile

and how alike I thought

are the seasons of love

to the seasons of the four

the woman

she is a woman

I have known women

she looks at me

weighing the potential

I look

you turn away

I turn

you look at me

we both know these rules

you come close

very close

you bump into me

and say sorry

I speak

you listen

you take the voice

and you imagine tomorrow

but you can't know me

or my journey

nobody can

for there are elements in me

that will make nothing

in your science

where you see light

I feel only the dark

we all look

we all speak without words

we are all predictable

I will smile at you

and I will play by these rules

but you will never know my heart

the pool

I am standing

where a memory lives

I am holding onto a past

nobody but you and I can hold

but you have not been here

for so long

I can feel this

for a memory like ours

needs two to make it live

and very slowly

I know it slips from here

a father's advice

don't read the books
I read
and don't carry my values
as a blueprint for your own
times change
and maybe I wasn't right

don't wait for a god
to speak through you
you have a voice of your own

love is a word with
a hundred meanings
learn them all

as for money and wealth
always remember that
I loved buying for others
more than I did myself

death is inevitable
but know that I will go before you
and that if it is possible
I will wait for you

and finally always remember this
a simple truth that took me years to understand
we are worthless
if we are of no value to others



(As a parent I spend a great deal of time musing over my children's futures. But there comes a point when your advice just becomes your own template. They have to see their future through their own eyes or what is the point of being alive?)

broken

conversation surrounds me
like a moat
isolating me further
from the living world
but their words
are incomplete threads
jumbled and meaningless
when set against my thoughts

the heaviness in my heart
empties my eyes into space
I have been here before
I vowed never to return
but here I am again
alone
cold
lost
and broken