memento mori

the writer traps himself within his own truths
the poet tortures himself with what ifs
the lover hangs himself with promised lies
and the madman loves them all

just Michael

one day
all this
even this
will end
naked in the sun
free of connection
I will stand
alone
but with peace

the other lives
will drift away
until my horizon
is cleared of reflections
and then echoes
of empty thoughts
will crumble between
memories and dreams
they will dissipate
in this new silence
they will free me
until
I will be

just Michael

hearts and munitions

she had no heart
so I gave her mine
but donating an organ
whilst in love
is like holding onto a live grenade

after you've thrown

the pin
 

in matters of the heart

where does love live?
does it live alone?
silently

contentedly

assured of its value
in some dusty corner

of our hearts
what does love fear?

truth?

rejection?

why does it leave us?

when we need it the most?

we dream of it

we hope for it

we pray for it

but in my truth

within my story

we have always lived apart

and in matters of the heart

I remain poor

fading fast

my time was yesterday
yours is today and tomorrow
I belong with the graveside mourners
you belong with the dreamers and shakers
I am no longer my father's hope
or my mother's fear
for I am parentless
the last of my line
a man seeking an honourable end
but what I give to you
what I press willingly into you hands
are the remaining embers of my life
and the last ounce of my love

still sorry

sometimes I don't think
sometimes I don't see
sometimes I punch through hearts
only to remember
that some souls are paper thin
and that words
my sharp words
can cause tears
and pile upon those delicate shoulders
an unbearable weight
sometimes I don't think
sometimes I don't see
is it any wonder that it is only regret
that embraces me?

an interesting question

 How do immortals measure time?

.. by the tombstones of mortals loved.

(this was a question I once saw on Twitter.... I mulled over my reply for days)

pieces of a life

my life
the two piece puzzle
which doesn't want to dovetail
or conform to my will

it just rattles in a box
with an image on its lid
which doesn't match
the two shapes within

but everyday I try
to make the angles and curves join
to complete a symmetry
which isn't supposed to make sense

mirrors of you

there is a weight to time
which accumulates with the years
and as it does
it scratches memories of you
into every mirror in this house
you are in my reflection
ghostlike
but cruelly real to me

ageless and stained with a contrition
that like a scar in my slowing heart
refuses to be healed

there are days I wish I was blind
but more when I willingly surround myself
with unbearable pain
to relive that one solitary point in time

such is love
such is life
such is this man

echo

I look at you
and I hear an echo
of something once wanted
it pulls me back to
a younger heart
and a smile
that once was mine

heads and hearts

"We need to talk as I thought we'd agreed. Don't beat. Stay dead."

"But she was bold and smart!" said the heart.

"I know." replied the mind.

"And when you finally saw her smile?"

"I know."

"But you've opened the door?"

"Me?"

"Yes, I'm free now."

"I can see that."

"And she did rock that sexy school teacher look!"

"I'll give you that one."

"But..."
"But what?"

"This is going to hurt like hell." said the mind.

"I know."

"We said we'd never do this again."

"I know."
"So, what's the plan?" said the heart.

"I'll follow you." said the mind.

nearly but not quite

she was the wish that missed the star
and the penny that bounced off the lip of the well
she was the prayer lost in a sneeze
and the love potion missing a newt
she was the ship that passed on a different ocean
and a dream shattered by a late night call
but her thunder still lives within you
and her lighting still fires your heart
she was your ever so nearly
but now always your just not quite

I exist for now

I look back upon my road
there are no signs
or yellow bricks
just faded lines
and sun bleached bones
I take this moment from
the momentum of my steps
to reminisce about love
and choices
to see behind closed eyes
the life I never knew
my head drops
I turn
my heavy footsteps restart
towards my journey's end

his fate

in a world

falling apart 

he just stood there

holding onto nothing

and when the cracks smiled

he just smiled back 

no ghosts

no tree
no lights
no laughter
just me
no chains
no warnings
no ghosts
just me

just me

pour some electricity on me

the violation of lifeless graves

re-attaching dead souls

catching electricity with kites

and re-sparking minds
there is a science to this flesh

no God is needed

and when mankind sees my creation's heart
and looks into his mismatched eyes

they will overlook the blood under my nails

and their screams and pitchforks
will simply melt into applause

(For my Dr. Frankenstein... I get it. I really do. A body in progress.)

a day in the life of my heart

there are worlds forming

around the moments I lock in my heart

there are loves and lovers

there are places, storms and blinding sunlight

there are seasons of gold, white and green

their music ingrains my soul

and now as the moments fall around me

and as I perceive the seconds as days

and the minutes as years

I understand my relationship with time

it was always just a journey

and it was always just mine

8th May 2010

she lives in a tear

she comes to me in the early hours
in that moment where dawn washes past the eyes
and evicts the dreams
there was a day I never forget
we sat together in a summer field
drinking cider and ruminating over our love
we planned our tomorrows with military precision
but we never saw our fates peel apart
and I never saw or imagined her ending
I went back to that place once
I sat in that field and I talked to her
as I left I turned around and looked at that moment
out of time and space
had I known that was our last day
I would have never let her go

katie part 2

katie,
I have been married,
divorced
and in out of love,
since you left.
I have children and
they look like me, katie,
but they don't like me.
I have had success
and I have known failure
both in unequal measure.
but I keep moving forward, katie.
I really don't know any more
than that.
growing up
has been a mixture
of pain and joy.
but I have lived, katie
and you still own moments
in my life.
I often close my eyes
and remember you.
I don't believe in gods, katie
and I know you can't hear me.
but I carry you with me
and I always will.
I owe you that,
in lieu of the life
you never had.



(Katie, was a young girl that I met as a young boy. She was in a wheelchair and her life was short. I remember her asking me to be her boyfriend. Embarrassed, I pulled away..... and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think.. I should have said, "ok".)

double bed blues

I am half
a less than generous portion
laying between
these distant edges
awashed and lost within
an ocean of Egyptian cotton
but sometimes in peaceful nights
before I embrace my dreams
I look to my left and
imagine it filled with a sleepy smile
and eyes that hold a key
to dispersing the shadows
that surround me